And now...a book.

I have been working on three books for the last year or so. One is a science fiction/romance and the other are just plain romance. Surprise! Unless you know me, in which case you're not the least bit surprised.

All of these dating stories from this blog lead up to one thing and I've decided to put them all together in novel form to tell that story. Unfortunately, I can only work when my creativity is inspired and I never know when that's going to happen. I have a part time/full time job, I have four children, three of them 5 and under, and I front a band called The Mending Seed, so with all of this going on, it's not easy to find the time and inspiration to write.

But I'm keeping at it and in the meantime, just for fun, I have decided to share the first 21 pages of one of my books. This is the only sharing I ever intend to do, but I hope you enjoy and I hope it grips you and makes you want to read more.

The following excerpt is only part of chapter one.

CHAPTER ONE

THE PRICE OF LOVE

"So…why did you quit your last job?"

"I was sexually harassed by my boss." I offered without hesitation.

It was true. My last boss, who was a married man, had made several advances toward me, despite my adamant rejection, eventually locking me in the building with him one night and begging me to run away with him.

I noticed the doctor quickly shifting in his seat, his brow furrowing into a scowl as he clicked his pen open and closed against his bottom lip in a rhythmic agitation. I needed this job bad. My marriage was quickly collapsing and I was facing the very real possibility of caring for myself and my young son on my own. I instantly regretted my answer. Why did I have to be so bad at interviewing? Why did I have to be so honest? Of the few decent jobs listed in the newspaper ads, this one looked the most legitimate and stable. I sighed and sat forward in my seat, my legs shaking nervously.

"I…" I started in, desperately. "I'm a hard worker. I'm a quick learner. I promise you won't be sorry if you hire me."

The doctor glanced up briefly and looked me up and down, gritting his teeth, then buried himself back in my resume, heaving occasional sighs, now tapping his pen furiously on the desk.

I could feel my face burning. "That sounded so desperate and stupid", I thought. "Why did I say that?" I could feel my face burning, my hands sweating with cold, my bottom lip stinging from the nervous biting.

"Well, I have more people to interview, so I'll get back to you." The doctor wouldn't even look at me. I knew he wouldn't hire me. I wasn't going to get the job. I was sure of it. My heart instantly sank into my stomach and I felt suddenly light-headed and fuzzy. My desperation was getting the best of me.

I sheepishly rose to my feet and bid my farewell, exiting the office as quickly as my weak knees would allow.

Later that afternoon I received a phone call. The job was mine.

*************************************

As promised, I learned quickly and worked furiously, literally running around the office all day, day after day, completing enough work for two.

"Wow!" I heard the doctor laughing, exasperated in the hallway. He was a tall, lean man, with blond hair and kind, blue eyes, sophisticated and intelligent with a naughty sense of humor.

I immediately halted and spun around, searching the doctor's expression.

"You're literally running! I've never seen anyone work as hard as you. Do you need a break or anything?" He looked me up and down in disbelief.

"I'm fine." I chirped back. "There's just a lot to do and I'm trying to stay on top of it."

"Oh, I think you're more than staying on top of it." The doctor chuckled again. "Don't run yourself ragged." His expression turned to one of genuine concern.

I smiled. "Don't worry. I won't." I then proceeded to turn and resume running down the hall to the stack of urgent billing paperwork awaiting my attention.

The weeks continued on like this. I worked furiously each day. And each day passed quickly.

And my marriage continued to crumble.

*********************************

"I'm getting divorced." I confided in my coworker, Linda, one evening at closing.

"No you're not." She chuckled in response. "Don't tease me."

I was known to be a tease, but this was no joke. "I'm not kidding." I replied, a serious tone to my voice.

"Why? What's going on?"

I heaved a big sigh. "There's just a lot of stuff going on. It's been bad for a long time. I can't take it anymore. We separated before I took this job and then we got back together and it's just getting worse. Besides, he told me last night that he can't stand me and he wants a divorce."

"Oh my gosh. That's terrible. You poor thing." She rubbed my arm in an attempt to comfort me.

"Who's getting divorced?" The doctor's voice could be heard in the hall, his steps quickly approaching the front office area.

"She is!" Linda practically shouted, pointing an accusing finger in my direction.

"Are you serious?" The doctor searched my eyes with a look of disbelief.

I swore I noticed a hint of happiness, but I quickly shook off the supposed delusion.

"Yeah." I stared at the ground sheepishly. "Things have been bad for a while. It was inevitable." I clinched my teeth to hold back the tears. Hearing the words aloud made it all so real and though I wanted it just as much as my soon-to-be-ex, the anxiety was playing on my emotions, flickering at the tear switch.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

He didn't sound sorry at all.

The insincerity in his tone made my heart flutter. I had been treated so poorly by my husband that a little bit of kindness was all it took to win me over.

********************************

"Are you gonna' be ok?" The doctor spoke in a soft, concerned tone as he slowly sat down in his seat, eyes focused on me, his usual look of concern. He always looked at me this way while asking me about my divorce.

I stopped writing and glanced up at him from the extra desk he had set up in his office. "Yeah. I'm fine." I smiled. "Thanks for asking." I looked back down at my work then and tried to find my place, but I could feel his eyes on me still, making it difficult to concentrate.

"You always act like you're fine." The doctor hesitated. I could see from my peripheral vision that he was leaning in closer from across his desk, but I suddenly felt nervous, so I didn't dare look up at him. His tone softened even more. "But I've been through a divorce. I know how difficult it is. And you have a kid on top of it all."

I reflexively clenched my teeth. My heart began to burn and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I slowed my breathing, trying to maintain control of my emotions. "Thanks." I responded quickly without looking up. "I'm really fine, though." I glanced over at him again with a quick smile in an attempt to reassure him of my statement. But, my emotions caught up and my eyes misted over. I looked back at my work quick, attempting to engross myself in hopes that he'd leave the subject alone and get back to work himself.

I heard the doctor draw in a large breath before heaving a long, drawn out sigh. Just then he abruptly rose from his desk and began to exit the room. With my back turned to him, I closed my eyes and chewed on my bottom lip. I replayed the conversation over a couple of times in my head, the doctor's gentle eyes full of concern burned into my memory.

"Are you moving in with your parents?"

I jumped and gasped.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He half whispered, half laughed.

I breathed a calming breath and turned around in my desk to face him. "It's ok. I just didn't realize you were still standing there." I laughed a nervous laugh and then remembering the question he had just asked me, responded, "Yeah. I'm…I'm trying to. It'll be fine. I'm fine." I waved him off with my hand and quickly turned back around to my work.

After a few-second pause, I finally heard the doctor's footsteps walking toward the front office. I found my place again and started back to work, listening as the doctor called back another patient and introduced himself as he led her to a room.

"I’ll be right back”, I heard him explain. “Just have a seat."

Then suddenly his footsteps moved quickly toward me. I stopped and looked up at the wall in front of me, listening to his movement, trying to decipher what he was doing. Suddenly the door behind me shut. I whipped around just as the doctor blew through the office and sat down at the edge of the extra chair sitting next to me.

"What did you mean when you said you were trying to move into your parents' house?" He rested his forearms on his legs, his fingers interlocked, searching my eyes intently.

My eyes searched his in return. "What are you doing?" I asked, completely puzzled. "You have patients to see. I'll be fine."

"I'm not worried about my patients. I'm worried about you."

I was stunned. My jaw dropped slightly and I just stared blankly. I didn't know what to say. He reached his hand over and placed it on my knee. A warm, tingling rush of excitement ran through me. I could feel my heart racing now, my breathing becoming labored.

"Do you need somewhere to go?" He pressed.

I shook my head slightly. "I'm…I appreciate your concern. I really do, but…" I heaved a sigh and sat up straight, clearing my throat. "My parents will let me move back in with them…eventually. I just…they're upset right now. They didn't want me to marry this guy in the first place and…I think my mom thinks this is teaching me a lesson to make things difficult for me - even though I'm already having a difficult time."

"That's terrible!" The doctor nearly shouted, stiffening in his seat. "Where's your ex?"

"Still at home."

"With you?"

"Yeah." I hung my head, embarrassed.

"Why doesn't he leave?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't know. It's all really frustrating. He wants a divorce just as much as I do, but he refuses to leave and he knows my parents won't take me in yet. He won't even sleep on the couch."

The doctor half whispered a curse word in an angry tone - directed at my soon-to-be ex. "Sorry", he immediately followed. "So he makes you sleep on the couch?"

I pulled a face and looked away. I knew what I was about to tell him would sound completely ridiculous. "Actually we both sleep in the same bed." I saw his eyes widen. "I…we live in a little two-story townhouse and …both rooms are upstairs and he won't ever get up with the baby and if I'm downstairs on the couch, I won't hear my son very well, so we just both sleep in the same bed and…"

I hesitated when his brow furrowed.

"So, are you thinking of not getting divorced then?"

"No!" My expression turned to horror. "We're definitely divorcing."

I could see the doctor's brow release, his eyes regaining their gentle expression. Suddenly his shoulders slumped and he released what sounded like a sigh of relief. After a brief moment of silence, he ran his fingers through his hair and then stretched with a groan. "I'm sorry. I'm being way too nosy here." He looked away, seemingly embarrassed now. "I better go see my patients before they start complaining about the wait."

I let him go with a weak smile, but stared blankly long after he left, wondering, “Am I imagining things or is he taking a lot of interest in my personal life?”

*********************************

Several weeks after my divorce, I found myself closing up the office alone. Linda was out sick that day.

The office was so quiet I could literally hear buzzing in my ears.

And the romantic tension was building.

I knew he was back in his office, making phone calls and finishing up business before he left for the evening. He had been a listening ear, a sensitive, caring shoulder to cry on throughout the whole awful ordeal. And I had fallen for him.

I could hear his office door shutting and locking; his footsteps coming down the hall. My heart began to pound; my stomach to flutter; my hands sweating. I glanced about anxiously. "Where was I?" I thought. The sound of him approaching made me forget myself. Just then I spotted a patient folder that needed filing. I grabbed it quickly and made my way across the small front office space to the wall of files.

I could hear him behind me, drumming his fingers on the high counter space at the patient check out. I wished I had more folders in hand to file. I was too overcome with emotion to turn around and face him.

"Another busy day, huh?" The doctor attempted to make conversation.

"Yeah", I sighed.

Dead silence.

I turned to face him and our eyes met and quickly darted away from each other.

"So…are you doing anything fun tonight?" He continued in his efforts.

"Yeah. I'm seeing a movie." I replied.

"Oh!" His expression betrayed his feelings. "You have a date?"

"No", I answered, trying not to smirk.

"Oh", he sighed in relief. "So…you're going alone?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, reached for another folder and turned my back to him to file it. I tried to appear calm, though my heart was pounding out of my chest and my entire body quivering as a result of it. "Yeah. I guess so. I have nobody to go with, so…"

"What movie are you seeing?" He questioned further.

I named the movie. It was a comedy. His eyes lit up. "Oh, yeah. I've been wanting to see that movie too!" He practically shouted, apparently unable to contain his excitement.

"Yeah?" I unnecessarily questioned.

"Yeah…" He hesitated, picking up the pen on the counter and tapping it just as he had during my dreadful interview months before.

Time seemingly froze in anticipation. I held my breath and stared intently at the pen, bobbing up and down, up and down, up and... It stopped abruptly then and dropped to the counter. Reflexively, I drew in a deep breath and snapped out of my trance. My eyes slowly walked up his arm, and then his shoulder, his neck, and then his face to his eyes. He looked up and locked eyes with me then.

"We should go together." He finally broke the silence.

"Really?" I was taken aback. This felt so surreal.

"If you want to. I'm up for it." He shrugged and looked at the ground sheepishly.

"Sure. Yeah. Sounds fun." I chirped in response.

He urged me to grab my bag and leave the office as it was. "What time is the movie playing?" He asked.

I didn't even know. I hadn't looked it up. My face burned in embarrassment as I explained this to him. He shrugged. "Well, why don't we grab dinner and then go check it out at the theater? I'm sure we'll catch a showing somewhere."

After calling my parents to let them know of my plans and make sure they were okay to watch my son, I followed the doctor to his car, throwing mine a sideways glance of guilt. What I was about to do felt so wrong and yet so exciting at the same time. I had dreamed of this moment the past few weeks. The doctor opened my door for me and I slid in, looking around at the luxury encircling me. My heart beat began to quicken as the realization that this was really happening set in.

I couldn't even look at him as he sat down in the driver's seat and started the car. But suddenly his eyes were on me, so I glanced over and released a nervous chuckle.

"I know a great pizza place." He started in.

I nodded quickly and looked away. "Sounds good."

"It's a nice one." He unnecessarily proceeded to persuade.

"Okay," I chuckled nervously, finally making eye contact with him. Our eyes locked for a moment and I reflexively held my breath in anticipation. Then, smiling weakly, I looked away quick and released my breath into a sigh.

"Are you okay?" The doctor reached over and lightly touched my arm.

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's just…" I hesitated and looked into his eyes again. I could see the worry.

He slowly pulled his hand away and studied my eyes. "Is something wrong?"

I nervously chuckled again. "No…" Then, after a brief hesitation, I changed my answer, "Maybe." I laughed a little harder this time and glanced over at him. His look of worry deepened. "No, I mean….this is kind of funny, isn't it?" I was hoping he would agree; anything to erase the awkwardness I felt in that moment.

"Yeah, I suppose it is. I'm so much older than you."

"I don't care about that." I quickly corrected his theory. "It's just because you're my boss and I call you doctor all day long and now…." I drew in a quick breath and held it, looking to him for help.

"You know you don't have to call me doctor now, right?" His expression softened.

I shot him a questioning look.

"I mean…outside of the office. We should probably keep things professional during working hours, but when it's just you and I, you can call me Stephen."

I gazed into his eyes and smiled warmly. "Ok…Stephen." I loved hearing myself say his name. I loved that I could finally call him by it.

******************************

After an evening of pizza and a movie that I could barely concentrate on as I sat close to him in the dark theater, my mind racing with thoughts of how far this would go and if I would ever get to spend time with him like this again, we slowly walked to his car in the cool night air.

My heart began to sink as our time together was seemingly coming to an end. The evening had passed too quickly. Suddenly I felt his warm hand envelope mine. I pursed my lips and looked down at my hand in his, my heart beat quickening, and then took hold of his.

"Thank you for letting me come along tonight." Stephen gently squeezed my hand.

I released the breath I was holding in a nervous laugh. "Thank you. You paid for everything."

"It was my pleasure." He gently squeezed again.

As he opened the car door for me, he moved in close, his body touching against mine. I could feel the warmth emanating from him.

"Thank you." I said softly, looking into his eyes. I sat down and drew in another breath, releasing it into a louder sigh as I waited for him to make his way around the car and enter the driver's seat.

"Do you need to get home or….?" The question floated above me and I sat there, my mind racing, wondering what would come next if I said yes. I was living with my parents since my divorce, trying to get my life together, my toddler son to care for. I knew they wouldn't approve if I stayed out any later. But then I reminded myself that I was 22 years old and should be able to make my own decisions.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Well, I could show you my place. I live on a mountain overlooking the city. It's got a great view. I thought maybe we could sit out on the back patio and listen to some music and just talk."

It sounded amazing. "Sure", I responded perhaps a little too excitedly.

He grinned and turned the engine over, pressing the gas pedal and letting it roar for a second. I laughed and rolled my eyes. I knew Stephen was nearly twenty years older than me, but he hid his age well in his looks and fun-loving personality.

The conversation flowed easily as we cruised to a remote location. We soon discovered we shared a passion for music and movies.

As Stephen suddenly slowed the speed of his car, I turned my gaze from him to the large gates before us. My jaw dropped. "Wow," I mouthed.

"I'm untouchable", he joked and we both laughed aloud. For the first time that night, I felt completely relaxed and natural with him. Though he carried a prestigious title and lived a more than comfortable life, there was a completely down-to-earth nature about Stephen. I liked him even more.

The butterflies began to form in my stomach as Stephen took my hand and helped me from his car. My eyes darted about, taking in the sight of the very large red brick home before me. I couldn't help but worry that perhaps I was out of my league. "I'm probably just a fling" I thought to myself. "I'd never live up to the expectations of a guy who has so much."

Stephen pulled me in closer, gently placing his arm around my shoulders as we entered the circular entryway with its mosaic tiled pattern on the floor and its ceiling reaching clear to the second story. "This is amazing", I stated in a tone of both awe and surprise.

"Can I get you something to drink? Soda?" Stephen offered, ignoring my remark.

"Sure. Thanks."

He took my hand again and led me all the way through to the back of the house. I tried not to stare at the beautiful paintings and expensive furniture. He opened the French doors to the spacious veranda and offered up a cushiony reclining pool chair, then disappeared to grab us some drinks.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes, trying to imagine a life like this. I couldn't even fathom it.

"Ok, I brought you Coke. I hope that's okay." Stephen returned; two drinks in hand.

"Coke is good. Thanks."

We continued our conversation about movies for a while longer until eventually we reached a lull. I drew in a deep breath and released a relaxing sigh. "Ahh....this is the life." I teased with a grin.

Stephen looked over at me, smiling contentedly, and offered his hand out to me. I smiled back and placed my hand in his, my heart burning as he gently squeezed. Suddenly the thought of living in this large house, watching this view out the back all alone entered my mind and I looked over at Stephen again, studying his profile, wondering if he ever felt lonely.

"I hope you'll let me see you again." Stephen looked over at me then, studying my eyes.

"Well, I work for you." I began to joke.

Stephen let out a half laugh. "No, I mean outside of work."

I held my composure, though my heart was pounding wildly now. "I would love that."

Our eyes locked together for a moment.

Stephen began gently caressing my forearm as he spoke. "I'm so glad I hired you."

"Me too." I cooed.

"I almost didn't." He offered up as an afterthought.

My eyebrows shot up in complete shock. "Really?" I wasn't so sure I wanted to know why.

"Well, you said something in the interview that worried me." He looked away then and laid his head back. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and internally braced myself. "Right when you said you left your last job because you were sexually harassed by your boss, a red flag shot right up and I thought you were one of those types that went about falsely accusing men of things just to get money out of them or something."

"Oh my gosh." I groaned, placing my free hand over my eyes. "I'm so embarrassed. I give terrible interviews."

Stephen laughed harder and squeezed my hand tighter. "It's okay. The important thing is I hired you and…." He hesitated and then reached his other hand over, holding my hand in both of his now and stared intently into my eyes. "Now we're together and I'm having the best evening I've had in a long time."

My look of horror melted into a slightly embarrassed smile. I groaned and laid my head back, closing my eyes tight.

"Don't be embarrassed. It's okay." Stephen chuckled softly. "I'm so glad I hired you. It's the best thing I've ever done."

I appreciated the compliment and it definitely softened the blow, but then I had to wonder, "Why did you hire me, then?"

I noticed Stephen's sudden nervousness, which piqued my curiosity even more. Raising an eyebrow, I pressed further. "Well…?"

Stephen hung his head and sighed in mock defeat. "I thought you were…really beautiful", he muttered under his breath.

My jaw dropped and I stared at him for a moment in disbelief. Then, jumping to my feet, hands on hips, I shouted, "WHAT?! Are you serious?"

"Are you mad?" Stephen contorted his face as if to brace himself for a smack.

I had to think about that for a moment. "I don't know." I threw my hands up dramatically and paced about in front of him. "I don't know what to think. I don't know if I should be flattered or even more embarrassed!"

"Don't be embarrassed. You are beautiful. You have to admit it." Stephen chuckled nervously.

"Oh my gosh. Okay, stop. This is….really embarrassing now. I hope I'm at least a good worker and you're not just keeping me around and complimenting me because you think I'm pretty."

“Beautiful”, he corrected.

I heaved a sigh and rolled my eyes.

"I'm not. I promise." Stephen leaped up then and hesitantly approached me. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else." He took my hand and began to lead me back into the house. "Why don't you play something for me on the piano?" I knew he was just trying to distract me. I heaved another sigh and followed.

He seated me at his grand piano and took a seat next to me on the bench. I felt his arm rub against mine and a warm, tingling sensation flooded my body. I could feel the heat rising inside me. I nervously reached out and fiddled with the keys.

"Play something." Stephen begged.

Reluctantly I began to play a little tune I had made up. I stopped abruptly after a minute, worrying I might bore him.

"Why did you stop?" Stephen smiled and nudged me. "Come on. Keep going."

"You don't wanna' hear me play all night." I whined.

He seemed a bit distracted. Suddenly jumping to his feet, he held a hand out as if to stop me. "Stay right there. I need to grab something quick."

I contorted my face in suspicion. "Okaaay," I drawled and turned back to fiddle around on the keys as he disappeared around the corner.

He returned just as quickly as he had left carrying a large book in his hands. Intrigued, I stopped playing and arose from my seat. "What's that?" I asked, approaching the large brown leather sofa he stood next to.

Stephen jumped backwards into the air and landed with a thud on the overstuffed cushions. I laughed as I stood there gazing upon his boyish manner. This was a side of him I had never seen; never imagined. Smacking the cushion next to him playfully he said, "Seat yourself right here." I sat down gently and, with some effort, managed to scoot my body all the way back into the cushions until I was level with him.

"You're supposed to jump." He teased.

"Definitely next time." I teased back.

He proceeded to open a large atlas then. Thumbing through the pages he asked, "Now, you told me you lived in other countries when you were younger, right?"

"Yeaaah…" I drawled, curious as to where this was leading.

"Show me on here." Stephen placed the atlas in my lap.

I scoffed and furrowed my brow in confusion. "You don't need me to point out countries on here. You know where they are."

"I can't remember." He replied.

"You can't remember?" I laughed. "We just talked about it earlier tonight. Weren't you listening? Or were you so overcome by my beauty?" I teased.

Suddenly his smile vanished, a look of intense desire in his eyes. He reached his hand up and caressed my cheek. "Definitely that," he murmured softly. My cheek burned where he touched it. I could feel my body temperature spike and my breathing became panting. Everything was a blur as he gently pressed his lips against mine and began to kiss me.

I lifted my hands and began to caress his face in return. His lips pressed against mine with more passion and he moaned softly. My heart felt like it back flipped. I had kissed a man before. I had even been married to one. But I couldn't recall ever being kissed with so much passion. He reached his hand down and threw the Atlas from off my lap and then pressed his body against mine, pushing me deeper into the sofa cushions.

My mind began to race. All I could think was, "Is this really happening?"

After a few minutes, I pulled away, my breathing heavy. "Stephen, I should…."

He interrupted by pressing his lips against mine again and kissing me just as passionately as before. "Mmmm. I love kissing you," he murmured softly and then continued, pulling his body further upon mine.

I lost myself in his kiss for a few minutes longer and then regained my senses. I pulled my mouth away from his and spoke his name to get his attention.

"Mm mm," he protested.

"Stephen", I spoke louder, pushing against his chest with my hands.

"Please, not yet." He begged and leaned in again.

I rolled out from under him to escape and hit the floor with a loud thud.

Stephen immediately leaped to his feet. "Are you okay" He shouted and reached his hand out to me, a look of horror on his face. "What happened?"

I sat up and rolled onto my hands, then started giggling and fell back again. Stephen relaxed then and began laughing too.

When my giggling fit subsided, I allowed him to pull me up. "I should go. I'm really enjoying this, but…"

"Then don't go. You don’t have to go."

"Stephen." I looked at him helplessly, my willpower being challenged. "I can't stay."

He closed his eyes, pursed his lips and released a frustrated sigh. "Okay. I get it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I panted. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have let it get that far."

"No, it's not your fault." He paused for a moment, thinking. "Actually, on second thought, it is. If you weren't such a good kisser…" He joked and chuckled slightly.

He reached out his arms to embrace me, but I held my hand up and backed away abruptly. "Not until I'm back home." I warned.

"Man! You're killing me." He whined.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to. I just….I know what will happen if I get too close to you right now."

"Really?" His eyes lit up.

"Stephen!" I shot him an exasperated look. "Help me out here. Let's go. I need to go home now."

*******************************

The next morning, as I entered the parking lot of the medical office building and spotted Stephen's car, my heart began pounding wildly. I tried to maintain composure, but I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I had been running the prior evening's events through my head over and over since he had left me standing on my doorstep. I wondered if he still felt the same. "Maybe he's over me now." I thought to myself. A sick feeling rolled around in my stomach.

I wasn't sure what I wanted. I knew I had feelings for him and enjoyed his company, but I also knew that he was quite a bit older than me and I feared he lived in a world I wouldn't fit into.

As I opened the door to his office, I hesitated, closed my eyes, drew in a deep, cleansing breath and tried to calm myself. I glanced about the empty waiting room, glanced over at the receiving counter, and then shut the door behind me and purposefully strode to the front desk. I could hear Stephen shuffling papers around in his office. Linda hadn't arrived yet. I checked the schedule quick. Patients weren't due to arrive for another half hour.

Suddenly the sounds coming from Stephen's office ceased. The office fell completely silent. I froze, not knowing what to do. I strained my ears to hear if he was approaching. Just then I heard his footsteps. I jumped, my eyes darting about, looking for something to do. At the last second I saw a patient file that needed to be filed away. I grabbed it just as he turned the corner.

"Hi!" I shouted nervously.

"Hey!" He shouted back, also sounding a bit nervous.

I very coolly asked him how he was doing and he responded very curtly, "Fine."

My heart sank. Judging by his manner, he was over me and wishing last night had never happened. I wished I felt the same, but the truth was I didn't.

I noticed Stephen nervously looking about, as if looking for someone.

"Patients aren't due in for about another twenty minutes or so," I responded.

"Is Linda in yet?" He half whispered.

"No”, I half whispered back.

He relaxed then and sighed, "Oh good."

I gave him a puzzled look. "Why?" I asked.

"Can I hug you?" He asked; a look of desire on his face.

I turned away quickly in an attempt to hide my beet-red face.

"What?" He chuckled nervously.

"You wanna' hug me?" I laughed slightly, still puzzled.

"Come here." He whispered loudly. I turned to face him again and he motioned for me to follow him. As I turned the corner I saw him walking quickly down the hall toward his office. I glanced at the front office door and then followed. I was intrigued. Suddenly he turned the corner into the supply room. I slowed my pace a bit, wondering what he was planning.

Just as I rounded the corner, he grabbed me in an amorous embrace. "I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too" I replied breathlessly.

"I couldn't sleep last night. I just laid awake thinking of you all night long." He pulled away slightly and gazed into my eyes. Then he leaned in and kissed me gently, and again, a little more forcefully.

When we pulled away to catch our breath, he held my head against his chest and said, "I wish you could have stayed. It was so hard to let you go last night."

I felt a tingling, exciting feeling rush through my body. I didn't quite know how to respond, so I squeezed my arms tighter around him.

Just then the front door to the office squeaked as it opened. Linda had most likely arrived. Stephen cupped my face in his hands and gazed into my eyes again, a look of strong desire in his. "I'll be thinking about you all day." He leaned in and gently kissed me again.

"Hello?" Linda's voice called out. "Doctor? Are you back here?" Her footsteps quickly approached the supply room.

Stephen straightened up and cleared his throat, then stepped out into the hall. "Good morning, Linda. How are you?"

"Good." She replied, following him into his office. "I don't see Carina here yet, but…" She stopped mid sentence as she passed the supply room and caught my image in her peripheral vision.

Her eyes darted back over to Stephen and then back at me with suspicion. "Oh. Hi, Carina. I didn't know you were here already."

Her eyes examined me up and down. I looked over at Stephen who gave me an apologetic look and then disappeared into his office.

"Yeah, I just arrived myself," I responded and then scooted past her and headed to the front office hoping she hadn’t caught on to the newly planted seed of romance sprouting right beneath her nose.

As the day wore on Stephen looked for any opportunity to smile at me, wink at me, or even grab me in an embrace in the back supply room or his office in between patients. A couple of hours before the office closed for the day, I found myself working on the billing at the extra desk in his office. Every time he entered the room, he would gently run his fingers across my back and remind me how much he wanted to be alone with me again.

It was 4:00 finally. One hour before closing. Stephen entered his office again, shut the door and locked it. I sat up in my seat and craned my neck to look at him.

"Did you just lock the door?" I asked.

"I did", he whispered. "I have to kiss you again. I can't stand it."

I raised my eyebrows in shock and laughed. He rushed over to me then, held out his hands for mine, pulled me up from my seat and pressed his lips firmly against mine with urgency. "I have to see you tonight."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Stephen", I moaned. "I can't. Not tonight."

"Why?" He pulled back and studied my eyes questioningly.

"I have a son. Remember?" I bit my lower lip and looked away. "I have to go spend time with him tonight. I can't be gone two nights in a row."

He heaved a frustrated sigh and pulled me in closer. "I understand", he said, but his tone wasn't very convincing. "What about this weekend?"

"Yeah. I can do that." My eyes met his again and I tried to tell him through my expression that I was looking forward to more time with him, as well.

*******************************

Our secret back office/back supply room meetings continued on through the work week and our after hours dating continued on for the next few months. I tried to keep it all balanced - my time with my son and my time with Stephen. A couple of times Stephen invited my son along on our dates, but I really tried to keep those at a bare minimum, as my relationship was not so clearly defined to me and I didn't want to drag my poor toddler into it.

In the meantime, my parents, who still felt very protective of me, took notice that I was spending half of my time with my employer.

“So, you seem to be spending a lot of time with this doctor you work for.” My father asked out of the blue one night. The rustling sound the newspaper made as he closed it startled me from my daydream.

“Oh.” I responded breathlessly. I could feel my face burning and I silently wished for him to pick his paper back up and continue reading. “Yeah, we’re kind of dating.”

Both of my parents raised a disapproving eyebrow at each other, then looked back at me, their eyes boring into me as the questions continued to flow.

“What are his intentions?” My father asked in a stern voice.

“I don’t know, dad.” I replied. I knew they were aware that Stephen was much older than me and didn’t share our family’s religious beliefs. “He’s really good to me and he helped me through my divorce and I enjoy being with him.”

I caught my parents’ look of disgust and quickly took a bite of my dinner to quiet my tongue.

My mother took over then. “Does he think he’s going to marry you or is he just getting what he wants off a young girl?”

I threw her a hateful glare and rose abruptly from the table. “I’m done.”

“You get back here.” My mother snarled at me as I brushed past her with my dishes and began to clean them in the sink. “We’re your parents and the grandparents of your son. We have the right to know who you’re dating.”

I set my dish down hard in the sink, my temper flaring. “Well you don’t have the right to imply that he’s trying to take advantage of me. You don’t even know him.”

“Well, why don’t you bring him over here so we can get to know him?” My father interjected.

I maintained my position in the kitchen, eyeing them both suspiciously. “I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”

“You’ll have to think about it?” My mother chortled in apparent disgust.

“I’m not bringing him over here if you’re going to treat him like he’s a creep.” I stated, my arms folded across my chest.

“Oh grow up!” My mother snarled again. “Why don’t you start acting like a mature adult and bring your dates over here to meet your own family?”

With that, I grabbed my son and stormed off up the stairs to the room I shared with him.

I spent the evening in my room, fighting back tears and trying to maintain a cheerful countenance as I read my little boy stories and played toys with him on the floor to the tune of my parents arguing in the kitchen.

A while later I heard a faint knock at the door.

“Who is it?” I called out.

“It’s your father.”

I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh, then invited him in. I kept my eyes to the floor as he entered the room, my face flushing again with anger.

“Look”, he started in, almost in a whisper. “Your mother and I are just concerned.”

“About what?” I shot him a glare.

“Well, you’re a young woman…”

“I’m an adult.” I interrupted in disgust. “I’m 22. That’s considered an adult now.”

“Ok, fine.” He agreed somewhat reluctantly. “But this guy you’re working for is much older than you and doesn’t share the same religious beliefs and we just don’t want to see you get involved in another bad situation.”

I glared at him in disbelief.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He responded coolly.

“What makes you think this is a bad situation?” I asked, staring straight into his eyes. “What makes you think I’m not capable of figuring things out on my own?” I paused again and continued staring. “What makes you think I can’t take care of myself?”

He searched my eyes, his arms folded across his chest. The silent tension continued to build until I could almost scream. I thought about sharing the recent experience of asking Stephen to take me home when things got a little heated at his house as evidence for my case then quickly decided against it, worrying that this would only get twisted into evidence for my father’s case against Stephen.

“Nobody’s saying any of that. Now you’re just putting words in our mouths.” He seemed pleased with his response and stiffened up, awaiting my reply.

“Mom is.” I responded in a biting tone.

“Oh, she is not either.” He heaved a weary sigh.

I threw my hands up in surrender. “Whatever, dad. I’ll talk to him about it and see if he wants to come over sometime.”

“Good.” My father left the room then and I shook my head in frustration.

I lay awake that night wondering how to approach Stephen about the situation with my parents. I knew them all too well. I feared for Stephen and the supposed love he had for me as I envisioned the trap my parents were preparing, disguised as a friendly dinner.

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