Blood Is An Acquired Taste

I did a lot of Internet dating in my time. I highly recommend it. But only if you have the stomach for some extraordinary adventures and your expectations aren't too high. In other words, expect to have interesting tales to tell later. I've been through the good, the bad, and the ugly with Internet dating.

I met Johnny on the Internet. He was cute. Blond hair. Nice smile. KILLER bod. He was like a blond Michael Keaton. And those eyes. There was mystery behind those eyes. I was intrigued. We chatted over the Internet mostly - just getting to know each other in a superficial way. It's how it always worked. I was usually the more aggressive one - finding the men and starting up the conversation. If his picture was attractive and he said something funny or interesting in his description, I would be hungry for more. I knew my man was out there somewhere and I was gonna' find him.

Johnny (His name has been changed, but this is really him.)

Johnny was, in a word, fun. A well-rounded guy. He was a bit on the wild side, an adventurer, and I was immediately sucked in and ready to go along for the ride. At one point we talked on the phone and his voice was very attractive to me. Our conversation just flowed. He was intelligent and hilarious! My favorite combination. We both wanted to meet, but he was getting ready to head to China for a little vacation on break from school. I felt my heart sink and the disappointment immediately set in. He was going to be gone for a while and I didn't want to have to wait. What if he forgot about me? Giving into my extremely impatient side, I invited him over just to hang out and visit a little before he jetted off to the other side of the world. He agreed.

I hung up the phone and immediately my heart started pounding with the anticipation. Then I gasped in horror as I realized, my house was not in any sort of condition to receive visitors. And neither was my appearance, really. I ran like a cyclone through my 1200 sq. ft. condo, stacking papers a little neater on my counter top, throwing the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, just generally straightening up and making sure I didn't look like a slob. That would NOT have been attractive. I did a quick check of the bathroom, just in case he needed to use it. You never know. Then I ran to my bathroom and did a quick appearance assessment. Ghastly! Instantly I regretted extending the invitation. I glanced at the clock. There wouldn't be enough time to shower and start over. "Quick. Think of something clever. Some lighting trick or something."I spoke aloud. My mind was racing as I tried to fix up my makeup. It wasn't helping. Applying makeup correctly was always one of my trials in life, so trying to fix my makeup application just made it worse. I was beginning to look like I was trying way too hard.

"Lighting trick", I thought. I know just what to do. My parents had purchased, as a housewarming gift, a remote control ceiling fan for my front room, complete with a light dimmer. "Perfect", I sighed. I ran out to my front room and grabbed the remote, dimming the lights down about halfway. I just happened to have a large mirror hanging over the sofa, so I took a look at myself. "Ugh", I thought. This was NOT helping my coloring. I glanced at the clock again. I began to perspire. He would be arriving shortly and I hadn't made much progress. I dimmed the lights as low as they would go. I could barely make out my reflection in the mirror, which was perfect, but now the lighting was just bothersome to the eyes. That was no good.

I brought the lights back up to nearly full brightness and turned circles in the middle of the room as I looked around me, scrambling for some more ideas. I just happened to have an addiction to candles, particularly tea lights and I had lots of little tealight holder decorations all throughout the place. I quickly gathered them all into the front room and arranged them. Then I lit them all quickly, muttering under my breath, "Please let this work. This guy seems really great and I don't want to blow my chances." I looked into the mirror again and couldn't see myself at all unless I was right up on it. It was perfect and I relaxed a little. Then I set the mood with some ambient music from one of the music channels on my TV and ran back to my bathroom to freshen up and make myself at least smell nice.

Just then the doorbell rang. I gasped and made a horrible face in the mirror. "Ugh," I responded to the ghastly sight before me. "Well, he's here. This is just gonna' have to do". My heart was pounding wildly. I drew in a couple of deep breaths, trying to relax myself as much as possible. I sauntered to the door, closed my eyes, breathed in one more time and thought, "Here we go". I threw the door open dramatically and looked him up and down. Johnny was even more amazing looking in person. I caught a whiff of his scent. Yummy. I felt like such a spider luring him over here quick before his China trip. Raising an eyebrow I seductively managed with, "Welcome to my web." Johnny responded with a tight-lipped, crooked smile and chuckled slightly. He stepped in and I shut the door thinking, "Yep, this was probably a stupid move on my part, but he's here now, so I better make it good".

I followed him into my front room. "Wow, it's really dark in here," he commented. I scrunched my face in the dark behind him.

"Sorry. Is it too dark?" I asked.

"No. I like it. It's nice. I like all your candles," He responded. He sounded sincere. I silently blew out the air I was holding captive in anticipation and looked heavenward. Relief!

"Come," I commanded. "Have a seat".

He obeyed and had a seat, continuing to look around. I just sat there examining him with my eyes. The feeling was tense, a bit awkward. "Well, I got him here," I thought. "Now what?"

"Soooooo....." he drew the word out and it lingered.

My heart started pounding. I felt stupid. Fresh out of ideas. Our conversation has flowed so well on the phone. I didn't know how to start it now. I couldn't get past how ridiculous I felt for luring him over so late in the evening.

"Wanna' make out?" I blurted out. I felt my face burn. Thank goodness it was dark. "Wanna' make OUT?" I thought to myself. "What an IDIOT! Oh, you'll be lucky if he doesn't run out of here right now," I silently reprimanded myself.

Johnny chuckled. "Wow. Okay. Sure. Why not."

I didn't waste a moment. Before he had a chance to change his mind, I crawled across the couch, pushed him backwards into the seat of it and pressed my lips against his. All I could think of was, "I've probably completely blown it with this guy. But he is so dang cute, so I'm at LEAST going to get a good kiss out of him".

Our lips just flowed in synch together. We had a nice rhythm going. He smelled amazing. I breathed him in and made as many mental notes as I could. I never wanted to forget.

After a few minutes he dislodged his body from underneath mine and scooted off to the side, pressing his back against the back of the sofa to make enough room for me to lie there. I was afraid it was over; that he had had enough already. But before I could voice my disappointment, he pressed his lips firmly against mine and the session continued. I felt his strong arms wrap around me, cradling me as our lips danced around each other.

He pulled away from me for a moment. I looked into his eyes, begging them with mine to continue. I touched my finger to his cheek and caressed it down under his chin, gently cradling it in my hand and drawing it towards mine. The moment our lips touched again, I reached my hand behind his head, holding him captive.

He immediately pulled away again and I noticed him examining my face, slightly contorting his in a funny expression. I studied his eyes. Was something wrong? "What?," I breathed seductively.

"Hm. Nothing", he replied and began to kiss again, but this time it was more tense. I could tell he wasn't into it as much. I instantly worried. What could possibly be wrong? We flowed together so well, responded to each other's movements so well.

He reached his hand up and gently brushed his fingers against my lips and pulled them up closer to his eyes and examined them. He contorted his face again, squinting in the dark as he continued to examine his fingers and my face. He drew in a quick breath and pushed himself up off of me into a standing position next to the couch.

"Where's your bathroom?", he asked. I told him it was down the hall and he promised to be right back. I drew in a long, deep breath and laid my head back on the sofa, closing my eyes and smiling. This was too much fun. I really hoped he would come back.

Then I noticed my face felt kind of wet. I brushed the back of my hand over my nose and mouth and felt it was definitely wet. Something was on me. Had he slobbered on me? It didn't seem like he was a slobbery kisser. Suddenly my heart jumped a beat. "Oh no! Was my nose running or something?" I jumped up off the sofa and ran to my own bathroom. I flipped the light on and saw the red liquid smeared all over my face. It was on my lips. I pulled my lips in and licked. It was like a reflex.

BLOOD. I tasted blood. "What in the world?" I muttered under my breath. I grabbed a washcloth, ran it under the hot water and washed my face off. Then I leaned in closer and examined. It didn't seem to be coming from me. So...that would mean...it had to have come from him. I furrowed my brow and thought about it for a second. I decided to go find him down the hall and see if he was okay.

I exited my room, flipped the light off and saw him walking through the kitchen area. He froze mid stride and waited.

"Hey", I said very casually.

"Hey", he replied apprehensively.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

"Yeah. You?" he responded.

"Yep", I said very matter-of-factly. "Get back over here,"I ordered.

He made his way back over to the sofa, threw himself across it and playfully struck a seductive pose. I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against my entertainment center, smirking. I loved his playful nature. He grinned at me. I just stood there beholding him, like some magnificent statue in a museum. Time froze for a second as I admired him like a prize.

After a few silent seconds, I broke the silence.

"Did you...bleed on me?" I asked in a playful tone.

I heard him sigh. "Oh no", he groaned. "Did I?"

"Mm hm,"I replied in an authoritative tone.

"Oh man. My nose started bleeding. I'm so embarrassed. Did I really get it on you?"

"That was a nose bleed?" I asked in surprise. "Hmmm. Well, I think I might be transforming into a vampire now."

"A vampire?" He sounded confused.

"Well, I did taste some of it." I teased.

"Seroiusly?" he replied in agony. "Oh man. What did it taste like?"

"Hmmmm..." I smacked my lips together a few times, instantly catching the taste of it again. "Metal", I stated.

He threw his head back and groaned. I giggled and ran over to the sofa, jumping on him and attacking him again with my lips.

I've kept in touch with this one over the years. One day during an IM conversation he confessed to me that he almost bolted that night. He claims while in the bathroom, washing the blood off and discovering it was a bloody nose, he scanned the bathroom for a window to escape from, but there wasn't one, so he started scheming about escaping out the front door.

Luckily I came around the corner right as he was attempting to carry out his plan.