It was Saturday morning. My son was gone for the weekend with his dad. I dreaded the whole car shopping thing, the "bargaining" (yeah right), financing garbage was not going to be fun. I was self-employed and my credit was only so-so - two major obstacles when trying to purchase ANYTHING!
I did my hair and makeup, got dressed up cute because that's what you do when you're single (never know who you'll run into, right?) I decided to go to Nissan because I loved my Nissan and I decided I wanted another one. But this time I would purchase a used one. I arrived at the dealership, heaved a big sigh and headed toward the grand stairs and double glass door entrance. I walked in, stopped dead center in the entryway and scanned the large showroom. A short, heavyset, balding man with a mustache approached me with a big smile, holding his hand out. "Welcome to Nissan. My name is Richard. What can I do for you?"
"Hi", I sighed. "I'm here to buy a car. Mine is not doing so well".
"Okay. Okay. Sure. We can help you with that. Were you looking to trade your current car in? " he asked, looking past me, scanning the parking lot as if he'd be able to pick out which one was mine.
"Yep. Mine is fairly new, but it's been in a bad accident and the insurance company decided to fix it, but it's acting strange, so I think I just want a new one", I said. I don't know what he said after that because I started rerunning that sentence through my head trying to figure out if I had just ruined my bargaining chances.
"Well, listen. Have a seat at this table here. Let me grab a few things and I'll be right with you", he pulled the chair out for me and scurried off to a large room full of well-suited men holding clipboards. It was like the salesmen holding pen or something. I sat in my seat, heaved another sigh and tried to psych myself for what would probably be the most horrendous day I'd had in years.
I scanned the showroom and glanced over at the holding pen. That's when I saw him.
He was talking to Richard, looking back and forth between Richard and me. "Oh great", I thought. "They're probably discussing how I'm not going to qualify for anything and trying to figure out how to get me out of here".Suddenly the handsome stranger broke away from Richard and strode confidently toward me, a half smile on his face, his eyes twinkling. He was so graceful and just...beautiful. He offered his hand to me. I couldn't move. All of my attention was focused on not allowing my jaw to drop. I just stared at his hand for a few seconds, making the situation slightly awkward.
"I'm Mauricio", he quietly chuckled. It was very melodic and pleasant to listen to. I caught a whiff of his scent. Not just his cologne, but the cologne on his skin. I was instantly addicted.
"Hi", I managed in a very casual tone. "I'm Kristin". I was so proud of myself for not falling to my knees and drooling all over his feet.
"So, how can I help you?" he asked, taking a seat and pulling it in close to me, practically touching shoulders with me.
I drew in a long, deep breath and thought, "Oh, this is gonna' be a good day".
Here's a quick replay of that day: We talked about ourselves and looked at one or two cars. It felt like a date. He was a father to two little boys, recently divorced. He was from Brazil. And he was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. He had an accent too. I'm such a sucker, I know.
I scrunched my nose at my choices and let out a "hmph". Mauricio chuckled and tried to reassure me. "Get in it", he said. "Let me see how you look".
"How I look?" I giggled.
He chuckled his melodic chuckle again, "Yeah".
"Okaaay", I replied, a little uneasy. I sat in the seat and posed with my hands on the wheel like I was driving it. "So?"
A wide grin spread across his face. His eyes caught mine and held them captive for a few minutes. I started to lose myself in his gaze when he suddenly averted his attention, his skin tone becoming slightly red.
"Well?" I chuckled. "Is it bad? It's bad."
"No", he replied, continuing to avert his eyes, "It's good. You look really cute in that car."
"Oh, really?" I laughed.
"Yeah. You should get out," he motioned for me to get out and stepped backward.
"Get out?" I was puzzled.
He giggled nervously and the pink in his cheeks turned crimson. "Yeah. You should really get out quick. It's too good. I can't look anymore".
My face began to burn and I had a sneaking suspicion my skin tone now perfectly matched his.
We spent the rest of the day chatting and giggling and waiting together as the car buying process continued. He helped no one else that day.
Finally, my car was purchased. And the heart-wrenching truth hit me hard. It was time to part ways. He walked me down the long, sterile hallway to my car. We were alone in that hallway. We said nothing to each other, just followed the path in silence, both staring straight ahead, the tension building. I waited for him to say something. Anything. "Please let him ask for my number." I prayed over and over in my head. But alas, we reached the glass door at the end, my new car on the other side. Mauricio stopped a few steps before the door and turned to face me, keeping his eyes on the ground. He lifted my new car keys and held them between us, his eyes focused on the linoleum below us. There was a sudden formality to his speech. He congratulated me on my new car and handed me my paperwork and keys.
My heart dropped into my stomach. The disappointment was too much to bear. I was ridiculous. I was there to buy a car. I didn't know this guy. So I'd had fun talking to him. Why was I acting like a silly high school girl about this? Where was my pride? My self control? I just stood there, staring at the top of his head, my fingernails digging into my flesh underneath my new stack of papers. I wanted him to look at me. I wanted to look into those beautiful eyes one more time. We just stood there, frozen like two marble statues in a museum in some turn of the century pose one might entitle "Anticipation". Finally, he broke his stance and looked up into my eyes. They were empty. The twinkle was gone. Not even a hint of a smile on his lips. I searched them, desperate. Nothing.
"Well, good luck with your new car", he said very coolly. And then he turned and walked back down the long, sterile hall, away from me. That was it. I bit my lip, fighting back my emotion. I moped out to my car and drove off, slightly depressed.
I arrived home, trudged through the garage door, through the condo to my sofa and collapsed onto it. I just laid there in a daze. I had a party to go to that night. A party with lots of cute single guys. A party I was excited about earlier that morning - before I met Mauricio. Now my thoughts were consumed with his face, his smell, his smile, his voice, everything. I completely lost track of time. I have no idea how long I laid there, but eventually I pushed myself up from the sofa and moped to my bathroom. I began to pull my ponytail out and wash my face. I stopped and stared at my reflection for a moment. I attempted a smile, but it wasn't sincere. "Okay, seriously. What is my problem?" I spoke aloud. "He sold me a car. He was just being cute and fun to get me to buy a car. That's it. Get over it."
I proceeded to get ready for the party, popped a frozen dinner into the microwave, and plopped down on my sofa, flipping the television on, hoping to find something light and funny to watch to avert my attention and lift my mood. Suddenly my phone rang. I jumped up and walked briskly over to the kitchen counter to retrieve it. The caller ID showed it was my parents' number.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey Kristin. This is your dad," came the reply on the other end.
"Hey dad," I sighed. I don't know why I thought Mauricio would be calling me. My hopes were far too clingy for my own good.
My dad asked me about my day and I shocked him with the big news - I purchased a car. All by myself. He was surprised all right. And extremely concerned. He proceeded to interrogate me about the day's events. I was still his little girl at the age of 28. I had a feeling I would always be his little girl. I insisted that everything was fine, that I got a good deal, I was happy with it and he didn't need to worry, but he wasn't buying my story, not even a little bit.
"Hon, I'm just concerned that you've been taken advantage of. I know you're happy and fine and don't have a problem, but your dear old dad just wants to be reassured here, okay?"
"Daaaad", I whined, suddenly acting like that little girl he still saw every time he looked at me.
"Hon", he chuckled his signature concerned chuckle. "I just wanna' talk to this guy who sold you the car. Just for a few minutes. I just want him to run over the numbers with me real quick. That's all. Can you call him? Do you have his number? You should have a number on your paperwork or he should have given you a card or something," he persisted.
"Yeah, I've got a number", I moaned. "I'll call and see if he can meet with you for a minute tonight, but seriously, dad, he already spent the whole day with me and he's probably busy with other customers." I very unsuccessfully tried to talk him out of it, but he persisted. THAT's where I got my stubbornness.
I hung up the phone with my dad and heaved a frustrated sigh. I pulled out the card Mauricio had handed me. There was his name. His number. Why was I upset with my father? "Wait a minute", I said aloud. "My dad is doing me a favor. A huge favor. I get to see Mauricio again". My spirits instantly lifted and I quickly dialed the number on the card.
The voice answered on the other end, like an angel from heaven. "Hello. This is Mauricio".
"Mauricio", I chirped. My tone a little too excited.
"Hey Kristin." His voice sounded excited too. He chuckled. "What's up?"
I cleared my throat and tried to sound as business-like as I could. "Umm. Well, I have a problem. My dad is concerned about the fact that I just bought a car by myself today."
"Oh, okay", he cut in and chuckled. "Protective of his little girl, huh?"
"Yeah", I responded, not sure if I should feel stupid or flattered.
"Well, bring him down", his voice chimed like a beautiful antique clock.
And so, I proceeded to drive back to the Nissan dealership, the biggest, most ridiculous grin plastered to my face. I was all done up for the big party I was planning on attending that night. I met my dad in front of the grand entrance and proceeded up the stairs, a few paces ahead of my dad. I threw the glass door open wide and breezed in, panning the room.
Mauricio appeared from around the corner, walking briskly toward us, the twinkle in his eye was back. The beautiful, pearly white grin in place.
(We need another picture as a reminder.)We each pulled a chair up to a small round table and my dad and Mauricio proceeded to talk numbers back and forth across the table, me in the middle looking back and forth between the two, only because staring at Mauricio the entire time, a dreamy look in my eyes would have been completely inappropriate. I have no idea what they talked about. My head was swirling with visions of Mauricio and I skipping through a flowery field holding hands, stopping occasionally only to gaze into each other's eyes.
Suddenly my dad got up from the table. I snapped out of my dream and drew in a long breath, straightening up in my seat and looking to Mauricio for answers.
"He's just going to get something out of his truck to show me," he reassured me.
"I'm so sorry", I said placing my hand on the table next to his. I wanted to touch his hand, but I knew it would be even more inappropriate than staring at him all evening.
Mauricio sat forward so that his face was only inches from mine. He chuckled and grinned. "I'm actually glad," he said.
I sat back against my seat and furrowed my brow in confusion. "You are?" I asked in amazement.
"Of course. I get to see you again", he teased.
I blushed and stared at the table, fighting back my school girl urges.
"I was depressed when you left this afternoon." My mind instantly replayed the scene from a few hours earlier. Suddenly it played out differently. He was depressed? THAT explained his suddenly cool nature. He was trying to hide his feelings, unsure of how I felt. "When you called me this evening, I was so happy to hear from you," he continued. "And then you walked in that door and you were like an angel."
Just then my dad re-entered the building. Mauricio straightened up and began to converse with my dad again. This time I didn't care if it was inappropriate. I gazed at him dreamily. "Did he just say I was like an angel?" I replayed his words over and over in my head. I wanted to hear them again.
My dad was satisfied with the transaction and got up to leave. He hesitated, seemingly waiting for me to follow. But I didn't. I stayed seated, waiting for him to leave, so I could have some more time alone with Mauricio. What else would he have to say to me? Would he finally ask me out? My dad looked back and forth between Mauricio and I and I literally saw the light go off in his head.
"Sooo..I guess I'll see you at home in a bit?", my dad questioned in a slow, suspicious tone.
"I don't live at home anymore, dad", I giggled. I heard Mauricio chuckle next to me.
"Oh. Right", my dad hesitated again and then turned to walk away in defeat. It was obvious - Mauricio and I were into each other. And I was 28. He could do nothing to stop what was about to happen.
FAST FORWARD
I never did attend the party that night. Mauricio asked me out for the evening. His day was over and he requested my company at dinner. He took me to Gainey Ranch - one of the most romantic places two people can go. We dined alone in an elegant restaurant. It was 10:00. The rest of the patrons had long since eaten and left. Mauricio reached across the table at one point and touched my hand. "I have a confession", he said between bites.
I raised an eyebrow in playful suspicion. "You do?" I couldn't wait to hear it. I was eager to hear anything he had to say. I was completely captivated. Addicted.
"Well", he leaned in, half whispering, "this morning when you came in and that guy Richard started to help you, I took one look at you from the office and made him trade me files."
"You did?" I giggled in disbelief.
Our evening was amazing. We finished our gourmet meal and strolled the grounds. The night was chilly. Mauricio put his arm gently around me. The moon was full and a band played romantic tunes as formally dressed couples twirled about on the flagstone. It was magical. They were offering gondola rides that night. "Shall we take a ride?" Mauricio leaned in and spoke softly into my ear, his warm breath tingling on my neck.
We stood in the long line of lovesick couples, some hanging on each other, some kissing passionately in the moonlight, not a care in the world. Mauricio chuckled and turned to face me. He pulled me in tight, holding me in his arms. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes and smiled. Then he kissed my other cheek. Then he kissed my forehead. I kept my eyes closed and waited. He gently kissed the tip of my nose. I slightly tilted my head back, anticipating the touch of his lips on mine. But they didn't come. Instead he gently kissed my chin and then my left cheek again. And finally...his lips were warm and soft against mine. My head began to spin around like fall leaves caught in a gently whirlwhind. I nearly blacked out, it was so intense.
After a few moments, Mauricio pulled back and gazed at me, waiting for me to open my eyes. I drew in a long, cleansing breath and slowly opened my eyes, gazing up into his. "Are you religious?" He asked me. I froze. My eyes widened. A minor detail I completely overlooked. I WAS religious. And it was important to me. And yet it never did seem to come up in conversation. I had just completely thrown all thought of it out the window upon first glance of this Brazilian god. Mauricio took note of my reaction and chuckled softly. "What?"
"I'm Mormon, actually," I said, biting on my lower lip and watching for his reaction.
He chuckled a little louder, "Really? Mormon?"
I nodded and contorted my mouth. I sighed and looked away. "You're not, are you?" I asked, the disappointment evident.
"I'm Catholic," he responded very matter-of-factly.
I nodded, the disappointment completely unmasked. I heaved a big sigh. Mauricio chuckled and gently lifted my chin, cradling it in his hand and searching my eyes. "It's okay," he tried to reassure me.
I sighed again and threw my head back. "No, it's not. It's really not," I moaned.
"Come here, my beautiful, forbidden angel," he spoke softly and pulled me in closer, holding me tight. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."
"Really?" I said, the overbearing skepticism in my tone now. "You really wanna' try to figure THIS out? A Catholic and a Mormon?" I scoffed and leaned my head against his chest, squeezing my eyes shut tight.
"It'll be fun", he reassured me. "Like Romeo and Juliet."
Well, somehow we did seem to figure it out and our relationship continued. Mauricio eventually asked me to be exclusive with him and I instantly agreed. We had a lot of good long conversations under the stars, on walks across long bridges, sitting atop mountains, cozied up next to lakes; some of them religious, some of them playful, but most of them exploring each others interests and desires. Everything just clicked. It was amazing. My world felt complete. The religious issue always haunted the back of my mind, but I felt confident that we would find a way through it.
And then, the fateful night arrived. The night that made me wish that all those months ago my father had been in a position to tell me I was not allowed to "go out with that young man."
Mauricio picked me up after work, as usual. His instruction had been to dress nice. Our relationship had advanced to the point where the topic of marriage often peppered the conversation. His mother was Brazilian and therefore did not match up with the woman from my dream, but I no longer cared about finding that woman. Every moment with Mauricio was a visit to heaven. I was not about to trade that for some ridiculous dream.
Suddenly my dad got up from the table. I snapped out of my dream and drew in a long breath, straightening up in my seat and looking to Mauricio for answers.
"He's just going to get something out of his truck to show me," he reassured me.
"I'm so sorry", I said placing my hand on the table next to his. I wanted to touch his hand, but I knew it would be even more inappropriate than staring at him all evening.
Mauricio sat forward so that his face was only inches from mine. He chuckled and grinned. "I'm actually glad," he said.
I sat back against my seat and furrowed my brow in confusion. "You are?" I asked in amazement.
"Of course. I get to see you again", he teased.
I blushed and stared at the table, fighting back my school girl urges.
"I was depressed when you left this afternoon." My mind instantly replayed the scene from a few hours earlier. Suddenly it played out differently. He was depressed? THAT explained his suddenly cool nature. He was trying to hide his feelings, unsure of how I felt. "When you called me this evening, I was so happy to hear from you," he continued. "And then you walked in that door and you were like an angel."
Just then my dad re-entered the building. Mauricio straightened up and began to converse with my dad again. This time I didn't care if it was inappropriate. I gazed at him dreamily. "Did he just say I was like an angel?" I replayed his words over and over in my head. I wanted to hear them again.
My dad was satisfied with the transaction and got up to leave. He hesitated, seemingly waiting for me to follow. But I didn't. I stayed seated, waiting for him to leave, so I could have some more time alone with Mauricio. What else would he have to say to me? Would he finally ask me out? My dad looked back and forth between Mauricio and I and I literally saw the light go off in his head.
"Sooo..I guess I'll see you at home in a bit?", my dad questioned in a slow, suspicious tone.
"I don't live at home anymore, dad", I giggled. I heard Mauricio chuckle next to me.
"Oh. Right", my dad hesitated again and then turned to walk away in defeat. It was obvious - Mauricio and I were into each other. And I was 28. He could do nothing to stop what was about to happen.
FAST FORWARD
I never did attend the party that night. Mauricio asked me out for the evening. His day was over and he requested my company at dinner. He took me to Gainey Ranch - one of the most romantic places two people can go. We dined alone in an elegant restaurant. It was 10:00. The rest of the patrons had long since eaten and left. Mauricio reached across the table at one point and touched my hand. "I have a confession", he said between bites.
I raised an eyebrow in playful suspicion. "You do?" I couldn't wait to hear it. I was eager to hear anything he had to say. I was completely captivated. Addicted.
"Well", he leaned in, half whispering, "this morning when you came in and that guy Richard started to help you, I took one look at you from the office and made him trade me files."
"You did?" I giggled in disbelief.
Our evening was amazing. We finished our gourmet meal and strolled the grounds. The night was chilly. Mauricio put his arm gently around me. The moon was full and a band played romantic tunes as formally dressed couples twirled about on the flagstone. It was magical. They were offering gondola rides that night. "Shall we take a ride?" Mauricio leaned in and spoke softly into my ear, his warm breath tingling on my neck.
We stood in the long line of lovesick couples, some hanging on each other, some kissing passionately in the moonlight, not a care in the world. Mauricio chuckled and turned to face me. He pulled me in tight, holding me in his arms. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes and smiled. Then he kissed my other cheek. Then he kissed my forehead. I kept my eyes closed and waited. He gently kissed the tip of my nose. I slightly tilted my head back, anticipating the touch of his lips on mine. But they didn't come. Instead he gently kissed my chin and then my left cheek again. And finally...his lips were warm and soft against mine. My head began to spin around like fall leaves caught in a gently whirlwhind. I nearly blacked out, it was so intense.
After a few moments, Mauricio pulled back and gazed at me, waiting for me to open my eyes. I drew in a long, cleansing breath and slowly opened my eyes, gazing up into his. "Are you religious?" He asked me. I froze. My eyes widened. A minor detail I completely overlooked. I WAS religious. And it was important to me. And yet it never did seem to come up in conversation. I had just completely thrown all thought of it out the window upon first glance of this Brazilian god. Mauricio took note of my reaction and chuckled softly. "What?"
"I'm Mormon, actually," I said, biting on my lower lip and watching for his reaction.
He chuckled a little louder, "Really? Mormon?"
I nodded and contorted my mouth. I sighed and looked away. "You're not, are you?" I asked, the disappointment evident.
"I'm Catholic," he responded very matter-of-factly.
I nodded, the disappointment completely unmasked. I heaved a big sigh. Mauricio chuckled and gently lifted my chin, cradling it in his hand and searching my eyes. "It's okay," he tried to reassure me.
I sighed again and threw my head back. "No, it's not. It's really not," I moaned.
"Come here, my beautiful, forbidden angel," he spoke softly and pulled me in closer, holding me tight. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."
"Really?" I said, the overbearing skepticism in my tone now. "You really wanna' try to figure THIS out? A Catholic and a Mormon?" I scoffed and leaned my head against his chest, squeezing my eyes shut tight.
"It'll be fun", he reassured me. "Like Romeo and Juliet."
Well, somehow we did seem to figure it out and our relationship continued. Mauricio eventually asked me to be exclusive with him and I instantly agreed. We had a lot of good long conversations under the stars, on walks across long bridges, sitting atop mountains, cozied up next to lakes; some of them religious, some of them playful, but most of them exploring each others interests and desires. Everything just clicked. It was amazing. My world felt complete. The religious issue always haunted the back of my mind, but I felt confident that we would find a way through it.
And then, the fateful night arrived. The night that made me wish that all those months ago my father had been in a position to tell me I was not allowed to "go out with that young man."
Mauricio picked me up after work, as usual. His instruction had been to dress nice. Our relationship had advanced to the point where the topic of marriage often peppered the conversation. His mother was Brazilian and therefore did not match up with the woman from my dream, but I no longer cared about finding that woman. Every moment with Mauricio was a visit to heaven. I was not about to trade that for some ridiculous dream.
I dressed for the occasion and anticipated my fairy tale prince's arrival. At exactly 9:35 he arrived on his stallion in the form of a silver sporty BMW. He approached my doorstep and rang the bell. I drew in a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. I was so giddy that night. I opened the door and he stepped back, gasping. There were no words. He simply shook his head in amazement as his eyes scanned my body from head to toe and back up again. He always made me feel like the most amazing woman. I was entangled in the web of the most beautiful dream and I never wanted to wake up.
He stepped up into the doorway then and moved in for a kiss, but as I moved in closer, he gently backed away and came in from a different angle. I matched his movement and moved in again, but again he gently backed away and took a step to the left, coming in at yet another angle. It was like a dance, but we didn't touch. We carried on like this a few more times and then he encircled my waist with one arm, lifted me gently and pressed his sweet, soft lips against mine, carefully lowering me again. "Are you ready?," he asked, offering his arm.
"Mmmm. Yes,"I replied.
We drove in silence, soft Brazilian music playing on the stereo, the windows slightly cracked, enough to let the refreshing night air in. The mood was relaxed and blissful. We arrived at an upscale resort. Mauricio pulled into the circular covered drive, lit by chandelier and exited the car, leaving his keys in the ignition for the attendant. A second attendant opened the door on my side and Mauricio came around, offering his arm to me again. He led me up the stairs and held the glass door open for me.
"Good evening, Sir", the attendant greeted us. "Your usual table?" Mauricio nodded and my gaze darted over to him, my eyebrow raised in suspicion.
"His usual table?" I thought. "He's a regular guest here? What is going on?" I kept my mouth shut and followed obediently as we were led around the corner to the elegant dining room. Mauricio's usual table was located in a bay window area, the walls curving around it, allowing a little more privacy than the other tables.
My mind was racing. "He's a car salesman. How is he a regular guest at this upscale resort with a private table?" I couldn't wait for the maitre'D to leave so I could interrogate. I didn't even know where to begin. Somehow I felt slightly uneasy. Mauricio didn't seem so familiar anymore.
The moment we were left alone, I leaned in and began my interrogation. "Mauricio", I stated in a loud whisper. "What is going on?"
"What do you mean?" he said, a wide grin spread across his face. "Don't you like it?"
"No. I like it. It's very...." I scanned the room. "...nice. It's just that this place is really fancy and probably ridiculously expensive and you have a regular table here?" I ended the sentence in a desperate question. "You're a car salesman. How do you eat here on a regular basis?"
Mauricio threw his head back and laughed. I furrowed my brow and sat back against my seat, folding my arms across my chest. After a few moments, Mauricio finally calmed himself and leaned in closer, reaching his hand out to me. I hesitantly and then reluctantly placed my hand on the table. He took my hand in his and gently caressed it with his thumb. "Sweetheart, I'm not a car salesman," he grinned, holding back another laugh.
I hunched my shoulders and furrowed my brow again, "You're not?"
"No, baby. I'm a finance guy. I know I spent the day with you showing you cars and all that, but I'm not a car salesman. I'm on salary. I'm in finance." He chuckled softly and gazed at me adoringly. I felt like a stupid little girl just finding out what her daddy's REAL job was.
"Oh. Well, I'm an idiot. How did I miss that?" I said in disgust.
"No, baby. No. Don't say that. It's okay." He smiled and lifted my hand, gently kissing the top. The tingling sensation invaded my body.
But this all seemed strange to me. "Okay, so he makes good money and can apparently afford to eat here often enough to have his own table, but who else does he come here with? Does he come alone?" The questions were bouncing around in my head. I felt slightly nauseous. Part of me wanted answers and part of me was afraid of the truth.
"Oh, I could just marry you right now!" Mauricio interrupted my thoughts, gazing into my eyes.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "That can never happen, Mauricio. I'm Mormon and you're Catholic. Remember that part?" I heaved a depressed sigh and sat back in my seat.
Mauricio withdrew his hand then and took a sip of his water. "Yeah, well. I couldn't marry you right now anyway."
Suddenly I was intrigued. I mean, I knew I couldn't marry him just yet. Not with the whole religion issue holding us back. But why was he suddenly telling me he couldn't marry me? Usually it was me trying to explain the issues to HIM. Was this just a game he was playing? Was he playing devil's advocate?
I leaned in, "Why couldn't you marry me right now?"
"I'm already married." He nonchalantly sat back in his seat, gazed out the window and grabbed his glass for another drink.
I gasped and laid my elbows on the table, leaning in even closer. "What?" I stated in disbelief.
"I'm married", he chuckled. Unbelievable. I've been caught up in a seven-month-long whirlwind romance with a married man and he's laughing? Is he kidding?
"What do you mean you're married?" I hissed in disgust.
"You know the definition. Marriage? Two people go before a priest and offer their vows and then live together and have children? You know?" He spoke to me now as if I were a complete idiot. All the love and respect he had shown me for months - gone. Just like that.
My heart sunk to the bottom and fell onto the floor. My jaw dropped. I sat there frozen in utter disbelief. Mauricio continued his meal, ignoring me completely. The nausea increased to an unbearable level. My vision became a little blurry, my head spinning, my breathing turning to panting. Suddenly the anger set in and I sat forward, scowling.
"Get the check," I said through gritted teeth.
"You're not going to make a scene, are you?" A look of concern flashed across his face. "It's okay, sweetie. We'll work it out." He held his hand out and touched mine. I quickly pulled away and sat back against my chair, my arms falling limply on either side of me. I stared out the window in a daze. My emotions like a roller coaster. I didn't know how to feel. I was caught between wanting to vomit and wanting to scream - feeling sick and depressed and feeling completely enraged.
"Just get the check now and I won't," I offered in a hiss.
He obeyed and we quickly fled the restaurant. I remained calm and collected. I put on an act like nothing was wrong. Everything was fabulous. Just fabulous. The attendant opened my door and I smiled and thanked him. I sat down in the car the same time as Mauricio. Our doors were both shut and the corners of my mouth fell into a disgusted scowl. Mauricio stared straight ahead, pulling the car out of the circular drive. We drove down the main road towards home without saying a word.
"Why did you tell me you were divorced?" I broke the silence.
"I didn't. I never said I was divorced. You just assumed that," he calmly explained.
"And you let me believe it!" I shouted. I threw my head back against the seat and moaned. "How could you do this to me, you
"Baby, baby. It's nothing to get worked up over. We'll work something out. It'll all be okay," the words slithered off his tongue like a predator offering candy to a child.
"It'll all be okay? Are you for real? Do you live with your wife?" I hissed.
"Of course. We're married," he answered very matter-of-factly.
"Oh wow!" I shook my head in disbelief. "Wow. Wow. Wow. Where is she right now?"
He heaved a sigh and turned the music off completely. "At home with our boys."
"OH! MY! GOSH!" I screamed. I burst into tears. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I can't believe this. This is the worst nightmare I have ever had in my entire life! This is worse than my divorce! This is worse than anything I've ever been through!" I cried out in agony.
Mauricio reached his hand over and touched my leg. I jerked it away and leaned against the window, sobbing and moaning.
"I'm sick. I'm sick, Mauricio." I moaned.
"It's gonna' be okay, baby. Really," he insisted.
"No. It's not!" I shouted. "Pull the car over. I'm seriously going to throw up!"
He veered off to the right and exited the freeway onto a quiet street. The second he pulled over, before he even completely stopped the car, I threw the door open and fell onto the ground, crawling a few feet away. I vomited violently on the side of the road. Mauricio jumped out of the car and ran to my side.
"Kristin! Are you okay?" He called out in concern.
"Get away from me!" I screamed.
"Kristin," he pleaded softly. He carressed my arm.
I slapped his hand away. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and started to stand up. Mauricio offered his hand, trying to help me up. I batted him away yet again. His persistence continued. He reached his hand out and brushed my hair away from my face. I instantly turned on him, slapping at him. He held his hands up in defense, backing away from me, stumbling over the uneven terrain.
"DON'T! TOUCH! ME! DON'T! EVER! TOUCH! ME! AGAIN!" I slapped at him as hard as I could with each scream. Then I turned from him and marched back to the car. "Take me home NOW!" I called out as I proceeded forward.
Mauricio ran up behind me, holding the door as I sat down hard on the seat. He shut the door for me and ran around to his side. He threw the car into drive and flew down the road, glancing over at me intermittently a worried look on his face. I laid back against the seat, panting and sputtering. My head was in a fog. I no longer saw the road. I didn't see anything. I didn't think anything. I didn't feel anything. I would never love again. I didn't believe it possible. "If it's amazing, it's not real", I decided that day.
We finally arrived at my condo complex. The instant he parked his car, I threw the door open and stumbled out. I ran to my door, Mauricio in close pursuit. I fumbled with my keys on the dimly lit porch as he pleaded with me, carressing my back. I unlocked the door and threw it open. Mauricio stepped up into the doorway. I spun around and pushed him back.
"No. Go away," I warned, my eyes glazed over. I couldn't even see his face, my vision was distorted by the tears.
"Kristin. Please. Don't shut me out," he begged.
I slammed the door in his face, double locked it, fell back against the door, slid to the ground, and bawled my eyes out until I heard the roar of his car engine and then it faded...into oblivion. And that was it. He was gone. And so was my fairytale.
Eventually I had cried out all feelings, all sensations. I was officially completely numb. I felt nothing. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. I awkwardly stumbled to my feet and across the room. My phone began to ring. I saw that it was him and the anger and hurt flooded the emptiness inside me like raging waters crashing through a dam. I wasn't done with him yet. I had a few more things to say. I flipped the phone open and shouted, "WHAT!" into it.
There was silence. I breathed heavy into the phone, waiting for a response. "Mauricio!" I screamed in a rage.
"Kristin", he said so softly, I could barely it. "Please let me in. I want to talk to you".
"About WHAT!?!" I hissed. "About how maybe I could just be your mistress? Are you going to try to talk me into being okay with that? Now I'm beginning to wonder if I'm even your only mistress. You probably have others!"
"That's impossible, baby. I've been with you every night. And I work all day every day. How could I be with someone else?" His tone remained calm. He attempted to persuade me; reassure me.
"Don't.....call me baby!" I stabbed out each word for dramatic effect.
"Okay. Okay," He defended. "What would you like me to call you? Sweetheart?" The ringing tone in his voice was back. I could hear the smile in his voice.
"You make me sick!" I screamed. "What does your wife think you're doing when you're out? HUH?!?!"
I heard him sigh. "She thinks I'm working late".
"WOW! Until 2:00 AM sometimes? Really?" I hissed back sarcastically. "You know what? I don't know what's going on in your mind. I don't know what you thought you were going to do. I'm so glad I found out now and not a year from now. All I have to say is, don't ever call me again. Ever. If you see me in public, don't look at me, don't talk to me. You don't know me. I don't know you. I have to go pick up the pieces of my life and try to start over now. I have to move on from this mess. You nearly destroyed me, you creep!"
"I can't be without you", he moaned into the phone. "I enjoy this so much right now."
"Oh, well that's just great. Just great for you!" I shouted in disgust. "I'll just put my life on hold and be your mistress. I'll just help you betray your wife for a while. I've got nothing better to do with myself! And then...hey...when you've had enough of me, just dump me by the wayside and go back to your wife! Or, better yet, go find another mistress! Yeah! That's a great plan!"
I slammed the phone shut. I couldn't take it anymore. He wouldn't listen to reason. He had his own ideas about relationships. He tried calling me back several times over the next month or so, but I never picked up again, never listened to his messages. As far as I was concerned, he no longer existed.
**The pictures used in this story are not actually of the Mauricio wrote about. The pictures are of a famous Brazilian actor also named Mauricio who just happens to look a lot like the Mauricio I knew.
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