To take it a step further, I actually found myself some band mates and started recording and then through my lead guitarist's connections, started getting some gigs. One day I got a call from a production company telling me that the "Singles Ward" movie was having a premier in Arizona at a singles event and I was asked to play a few of my songs. Somehow my lead guitarist had passed a demo CD onto the company without telling me and the call came as a complete surprise. I was excited and stressed. This was a big deal to me and I wanted to sound good. I didn't trust myself or my lead guitarist to run the sound well enough, so I got on-line and looked up sound guys in AZ.
I found one. His website was impressive and his pricing seemed reasonable to me. His name was Ryan. I called him up and asked him if he could run sound for me at this event. He checked his calendar and said he was available, so I gave him directions to the place, the date and time and then remembered, "I don't even know what you look like, so...."
"Well, I know what YOU look like, so I'll find you. Don't worry."
"Oh. How do you know what I look like?" I asked, a little perplexed.
"I just looked you up. You have a website. There are pictures of you all over." He chuckled.
"Oh," I felt a bit idiotic, "okay. Well. Great. See ya' then."
I took my friend Troy along with me. He was a dear friend to me. A former boyfriend, now one of my biggest supporters. We arrived at the event. I was excited and nervous all at once. Troy and I made our way up to the building.
"There you are." I looked up and saw a brown-haired, blue-eyed, tall guy casually leaning against a pillar.
I squinted my eyes in the dark, feeling bad that I didn't recognize this person. "Hi," I replied hesitantly.
The guy laughed and stuck his hand out. "Ryan. I'm your sound guy."
I gasped. "Oh! Oh, yes! Okay. Sorry." I laughed nervously.
Then Ryan grinned and began to chuckle a bit.
"Okay", I laughed again. "Let's do this." I looked over at Troy, his arms folded across his chest, a smirk on his face. Ryan began to gather up his things.
"What?" I questioned Troy's look.
Troy flashed a big goofy grin and held up his hands in defense. "Oh, nothing. I'm just enjoying this."
I smacked his arm and playfully glared at him.
We all entered the building and one of the event planners led us to our spot on the stage. Ryan and I proceeded to set up our equipment in preparation for my big debut. Every once in a while I found myself glancing over at Ryan. I don't know if it was nerves or what. But every time I glanced at him, he was looking at me. And each time we both kind of blushed and laughed and looked away.
So, the night went well. I played my pieces and the sound was perfect. I was really happy with the evening. I approached Ryan after my short set and handed him a check. "So, you can go if you want to. You don't have to stay for all of this," I said.
"Oh. I don't mind. It's a pretty cool party," he replied, his hands in his pockets, panning the room and then looking back at me and smiling. I smiled back and felt myself blushing, so I looked away quick, pretending like I was looking for someone. I felt Ryan's arm brushing against me. He had moved in a little bit closer. Just enough for us to touch. Suddenly I felt him slightly bump against me. I looked up at him, a question as to the nature of this movement in my eyes.
He flashed a grin at me. "So, you were good. I liked your music."
"Oh. Thanks." I felt kind of sheepish. I was always a bit self-conscious about my music and performances.
He ended up staying the whole evening. At the end of the event, we packed our equipment up and said our goodbyes.
"Well, thanks again for running my sound. It was great. I was really happy with it." I said, sticking my hand out, offering to shake his.
"Come here," Ryan replied, holding his arms out, gesturing for me to hug him instead. I giggled nervously and hugged him. "You were really great. I was honored to run your sound."
I suddenly became aware of Troy standing behind me, viewing this whole transaction. I could just picture his smirk. I could just imagine the teasing I'd get all the way home. I suddenly felt like a complete dork. I heaved a sigh at the thought. "All right. Well...good night."
I turned around and sure enough, Troy was leaning against the truck, arms folded across his chest, huge smirk. I rolled my eyes at him and walked past. We both jumped up into the truck, Troy in the driver's seat. At first Troy reached over and turned on the music immediately upon starting up the truck. "Hmm. Maybe he's gonna' cut me a break this time, " I thought.
"Wow. So he was HONORED to run your sound." He started in the second my thought ended.
"Shut up." I rolled my eyes.
"So, when are you two going out, huh?" Troy started chuckling.
I sighed and rolled my eyes again, looking out the window, refusing to respond.
The next day was Saturday. I was home alone, just cleaning my condo. The phone rang and I saw Ryan's name on the caller ID. My heart began to pick up speed. "Hm. I wonder what he wants," I thought.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey Kristin. How are ya'?" His voice was very upbeat and cheery.
"Good," I chirped back. "How are you?"
"Not bad. So, hey I have something for you," he said.
"Oh," I hesitated. What would he have for me? This was interesting. "What is it?" I inquired, suddenly very intrigued.
"Well, can I come over and show you?" he asked.
"Oh. Umm...sure. Well, I'm not very decent right now. I'm still in my pajamas, just cleaning."
I heard him chuckle. "You're in your pajamas?" He teased. "How cute."
I contorted my face, feeling like a silly little girl. Why did I tell him I was in my pajamas? Was he getting a vision of me in little pink flowered jammies with my hair in pigtails now?
"Well, give me like 30 minutes and then you can come over. Is that okay?" I invited.
"Yep. I'll see you then."
I gave him my address and directions and then bolted for the shower.
Ryan appeared on my doorstep 45 minutes later, CD in hand.
"What's this?" I asked, stepping back and inviting him in.
"I recorded you live. Just for fun." He chuckled.
My eyes widened in horror. "No. Oh my gosh. No. Why didn't you tell me you were doing that?" I was so afraid of what was on the disc. I'd never heard myself recorded live like that. I felt even more self-conscious than ever. And he'd already listened to it.
"Don't be scared. It's not bad." He chuckled again, patting my back.
"Not BAD?" I was completely mortified now.
At his persistent urging, I put it on, scrunching my face and holding my head in my hands, I waited in anticipation. So, basically - it wasn't too good. I had been recorded in a studio many times and I was really happy with it, but this live performance was just not good.
"Oh noooooo." I moaned. "This is horrible."
"Don't worry about it. You sounded good to the rest of 'em. This catches fine little details that the crowd didn't hear. Trust me. " He tried to reassure me, but very unsuccessfully.
I fell to my knees and continued to moan and groan. "Oh my gosh. This has to be destroyed right now!"
So, in spite of the horrid recording, Ryan seemed to want to date me. He asked me out for another night and we had fun. He was a real easy-going, fun-loving guy and I was attracted to him. Still, I always felt self-conscious around him because he had heard me sounding horrid on a recording and I just couldn't get past it.
Over time our relationship started to become serious. I introduced him to my son and sometimes he'd take us both out. I enjoyed being with him, but the spark that existed with other guys just wasn't completely there and I couldn't figure out why. It kind of frustrated me.
One night Ryan and I were supposed to go out on our usual date, but I hadn't been feeling well since the morning. The pressure in my head was building, my sinuses were congested, and my body felt achy. My son was gone with his dad for the weekend, so I spent the day laying around my condo watching movies and sleeping and just generally feeling icky. I called Ryan that afternoon and explained my predicament.
"Well, let me come over and take care of you then." He offered.
I was so gross, I didn't even want my boyfriend seeing me like this. And besides, I just felt like I wanted to be alone for some reason. "No. No. You don't want to see me like this. I'm so gross."
He laughed. "Aw. Come on. You're so adorable. You couldn't possibly look bad. Just let me come take care of you," he pressed.
"Ryan." I said very firmly. "No."
"Kristin." He mimicked my tone. "Yes."
After several more minutes, I finally gave into his persistence, warning him "Okay, you asked for it. If you're freaked out by the hideous sight, remember you did this to yourself."
And so he arrived about a half hour later, carrying two bags. I opened the door and looked him up and down in suspicion. "What's all that?" I questioned, refusing to let him pass until he explained.
"Just...stuff." He said, giggling nervously and trying to hide the contents. "Just let me in so I can take care of you."
I contorted my mouth and furrowed my brow, half suspicious, half annoyed.
"Now go sit on the couch and relax," he said in a whiny tone, gently caressing my arm.
I wasn't liking the look and sound of it all, but I reluctantly obeyed. I plopped down on the couch, pulling my blanket up around my body and waiting. Ryan began to enter my room with his bags.
"What are you DOING?" I asked in annoyance.
"Just wait," he replied and shut and locked the door. I humphed and sat back, arms folded across my chest.
A few minutes later he emerged. He was dressed in scrubs with a surgeon's cap and mask on, a play stethoscope around his neck. He posed seductively in the doorway. I had to fight off the reaction I wanted to give, so as not to hurt his feelings. I was concerned. What in the world was his intention here? He began to dance around the room, apparently another attempt at seducing me...or something. I couldn't figure it out.
"Now, doctor Ryan needs to listen to your heart." He approached me. I slumped down and pulled the covers up to my chin.
"Ryan," I whined at him, scrunching up my nose. "What are you DOING? Seriously."
He ripped the covers off of me and threw them on the floor. Then he leaned over with the stethoscope and pressed it against my chest. "Hmmm", he made a goofy face. "Your heart is sounding a little sad. Dr. Ryan needs to fix that."
"What?" I contorted my face, a little put off at this point. "Ryan," I whined and shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
"Oh, little Kristin doesn't want to play doctor?" he said in a very unappealing voice.
"No", I said, shifting again and shaking my head. "Can I have my covers back, please?"
His shoulders slumped and he sighed, his expression changing to one of annoyance. "Okay, fine. Let's light a little mood candle, shall we?" He pulled a candle out of his bag and lit it, then began wafting the scent through the air with his hands. "There. That should make you feel better." He began talking in a bit of a babyish tone.
This was quickly becoming a nightmare. I recognized that he was simply trying to take care of me in his own way, but this was not working for me. I wasn't feeling it. He began to look less and less appealing by the minute. I was beginning to feel awkward and uncomfortable with each new suggestion. First the doctor bit, then the candle, then a video about him skydiving that he thought might make me feel better. I was beginning to question this guy's sanity.
"Okay, now story time." He said, smiling as if very pleased with himself. I furrowed my brow hard and heaved a big sigh.
"A story? Really?" I moaned at him.
"Now just hold on." He replied in yet another unappealing voice he was putting on. He pulled a book out and held it next to his head, a cheesy grin on his face. It was a children's book about a kid who was sick and had to go to the doctor. I was extremely concerned at this point. I didn't know how much more of this I could take.
As he read me the book, I just sat there examining him from where I sat, on the other side of the couch. I had one of those 'you have got to be kidding me' expressions on my face. As he read on, holding the book up periodically to show me the pictures, I thought back to that first night we met. Did I miss a tell-tale sign there? I searched that night through my mind over and over, looking as deep and hard as I could. I came up empty. This guy had basically just morphed into a super sensitive, super silly creature and I was completely dumb-founded.
I eventually managed to get rid of him, insisting that I was dead tired and really needed my sleep. He proceeded to offer to sit by my side and watch me sleep, but that was far too creepy for me, so I begged him to leave me be. The second he entered his car and I shut the door after waving a polite goodbye, I felt instant relief. I fell into bed and slept hard for a couple of hours.
Later that evening, I got on my computer and checked my emails. There was one from Ryan. I breathed in quickly and held the breath, contorting my face and hesitating before clicking on it. I was a little afraid of what I might find.
The email was extremely long. About as long as one of my stories. It was a story. It started out:
Once upon a time there was a prince named Ryan...
The email proceeded to tell his life story from the time he was born until he grew up. It was complete with pictures. There was even a picture of his mother. The woman did NOT match the woman from my dream. I sighed a HUGE sigh of relief. But this was a very silly, and I had a feeling 'sick' email. Extremely curious, I read on.
Eventually it reached the part where he met me. I was the princess. Yipee!
And then one night Prince Ryan met a beautiful princess named Kristin.
I cringed and shuddered. He was such a nice guy, but this was just not my style. I needed a man, not an overly sensitive little boy. I was afraid to read on, but again my curiousity got the best of me. The email proceeded to document every single date we had ever been on, including every little detail of every date right down to the exact food we ate and some of the dialogue exchanged. I was shocked. I hadn't even remembered most of this stuff.
But the part that concerned me most was the final few paragraphs. Suddenly the date documentation became eerily fantasized. He started describing dates we had never been on, dialogue that was never exchanged, events that hadn't occurred. He described meeting my family (something that had not happened).
And I'm sure you know where this is going. It ended with a wedding. Our wedding.
I gasped and clasped my hand over my mouth. My eyes wide in horror. "Oh my gosh. This guy's completely nuts," I said aloud. My heart started pounding, but this time in terror. I had to get rid of this guy. Immediately. I could not waste another moment of my life trapped in this nightmare.
I clicked on reply and began typing feverishly. I explained repeatedly how this just wasn't going to work for me. That I felt nothing for him and while I appreciated his concern for my well-being and his willingness to take care of me, his style did not match mine and I was completely put off. I also proceeded to tell him that I found his email disturbing and that the final few paragraphs actually made me sick.
I finished off by thanking him for everything he had done for me up to that point (excluding the creepy stuff, of course) and asked him to please not contact me anymore. I told him that I just wasn't interested and that we both needed to move on from this.
I didn't hear back from him over the next couple of days and while I felt sad about the possibility of hurting his feelings, I knew I had done the right thing. That it needed to end this way. I had dealt with his kind before. You have to be very straightforward and adamant about what you want and don't want.
Exactly one week later I received a knock on my door. My son ran to get it and I followed close behind. When we opened the door, no one was there. My eyes panned down and rested on a box, sitting in the corner of my front porch.
My son gasped in delight. "Mom. It is for me?" He asked.
"I don't know, honey", I responded. "Let's bring it in and see." Just before closing the door, my eyes panned the parking lot. I saw no one. Nothing out of the ordinary. I eventually closed the door. My son had already ripped the box open. It was a teddy bear from Build-A-Bear. He was dressed in a surgeon's outfit. Immediately I got the chills. "Oh no", I thought. "This guy isn't going to go away so easily, is he?" I desperately hoped I was wrong.
There was a note attached. The note explained that he had received my email and while it was hurtful, he understood. But he just HAD to leave me one last gift - the bear dressed as a surgeon - to remember him by. I read the note silently to myself and then turned to my son who was holding the bear and admiring it. "Hey, honey", I said. "You know what? It IS for you. It's from a secret admirer." He squealed in delight and hugged it tight as I raised my eyes to heaven and mouthed, "THANK YOU".
It was over!
**The picture used in this story is not actually Ryan. However, the similarities are uncanny. It could be his twin brother. Seriously.
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